Tag Archives: potty humor
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Interview with Stuart Vener

16 Jun

Interview with Stuart Vener

Stuart Vener is a financial expert with an eclectic radio program that covers everything from mortgages to sex with dolphins.  Yes, I said sex with dolphins.  He’s a great host with a great sense of humor.  He loves potty humor, so he was willing to chat with us about our book and crap in general. Check out our interview with him as well as the rest of his show.  Our interview will air on June 17 at 10am EST on http://w4cy.com/, as well as on Thursday June 20 at 9am EST on local talk radio stations in Tampa, Florida: AM1340, AM1350 and AM 1400.  

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Guest Blog from Wendy Parker

15 Jul

“…I became certain I would drown in a Minnesota toilet.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever have your posterior doused by an overly eager public toilet? Ever fear the EF5 vortex of those suckers will rip out your colon?  Guest blogger Wendy Parker understands.

Click on the link below and read Wendy’s hilarious rant on “Automatic Hell” in which she recounts the harrowing tale of a public loo with sinister sensor.

http://www.thegeorgeandwendyshow.com/91043352

Dear Car Seat Victim – Poop Pranks

6 Dec
Buy Flush This Book now for only 99 cents!

Bet you wish we'd been into Post-it notes and not poop, huh?

I would like to apologize for putting a pile of human shit on your front seat in 1994. I really don’t know what else to say except that it seemed like a good idea at the time. Like most boys in their late teens, I fell victim to groupthink, and my group was just into that kind of prank. In our defense, there was a lot of pot involved in the strategy sessions we conducted during our munchie-induced pigouts.

Twenty-four hours before we dropped our nasty payload on your unsuspecting upholstery, we were passing a doobie and discussing the wonders of the human body. How does corn become reconstituted in your poo after you’ve chewed it thoroughly? Why does spinach snake through your dookie like lost caterpillars? If asparagus makes your pee reek, what will it do to your doo-doo? Does grape Kool-Aid really turn your turds the shade of nuclear waste? You know, deep philosophical stuff. While we pondered these questions, our pack leader, we called him “The General,” leapt to his feet excitedly.

“Dude, we should totally try these theories out. We’ll all eat now and try to synchronize our movements, and then we’ll share the data. We’ll have to do this at Frank’s house; he has the most toilets.”

But another soldier among us piped up and suggested it would be better, and funnier, to take turns crapping in a paper bag and then dump the contents on somebody else’s driver’s seat. I am not proud to say that soldier was me, but in the whirlwind of the moment, it felt as if I were contributing to science and comedy. It was a double whammy of historic proportions.

We accomplished our task, as you well know, and the results were astounding. Corn, no matter if ground to a pulp between teeth or popped whole like precious yellow pills, will riddle your log with rows of plump kernels that could pass for a half-eaten cob. Spinach will not always snake; it will sometimes clump in swampy masses that cling to the outside of a poop slug. Asparagus will evoke the pungent aroma of beached animals rotting in the sun. And yes, grape Kool-Aid will turn a turd a shade of sickly neon green.

Like mad scientists, we collected our specimens and assembled them into a quadruple threat whose stench rivaled even the most fetid of malfunctioning sewage pumps. A stench we bequeathed to you.

For the record, it’s not as if we singled you out for any personal reason. Quite frankly, your car door was the only one unlocked in its driveway that evening when we executed our plan. Had you locked your door, some other poor sap would have had to deal with our ‘gift.’ When I was a stupid kid, I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions. But now, as a more mature adult, I can imagine the aftermath of that morning’s commute….

To find out what this poor schmuck endured that morning, read the rest of “Dear Car Seat Victim” in our ebook.  Found here on Amazon for kindle, here for the nook at Barnes and Noble or just type in “Flush This Book” at Apple’s iBookstore.  If you don’t have an ereader follow this link to get the ebook for your PC.

Want more poop pranks?  We found some for you.  Enjoy!

Readers of this website write in with poop prank confessions.

Favorite funny poop moments from the movies.

 

 

 

Crap is the New Black: Thoughts on Black Friday

25 Nov

Jane avoids shopping like the plague and will only go when necessary.  Heidi enjoys the thrill of hunting for good deals.  This is how they weigh in on The Mother of All Shopping Days: Black Friday.

Jane:  I think I might be missing something essential in the genetic make-up of the American female, because I could give a shit about shopping.  My girlfriends call me up and ask me to go shopping or to attend  shopping parties.  This is like asking me if I would like a root canal without anesthesia.  The invite always makes me feel awful because the invitee is always so excited about it.

“It will be fun!” they promise.

Sometimes there is even a girlish squeal that accompanies the invitation.   If I shoot the idea down, I feel like the Grinch who shot Santa.  But, seriously, for me there really is no thrill in it.

Shopping is an act I only perform when necessary.  There is occasional joy, but only when I have stumbled upon the ideal gift for someone else, or I’ve happened upon the elusive “perfect jeans.”   Recreational shopping?  Browsing? No thanks.   So, it should come as no surprise that my attitude towards Black Friday is a big thumbs down—lining up around the block at the crack of dawn in anticipation of potential deals?

No.  Freakin.’ Way.

One of the many reasons for my aversion is that schlepping from store to store activates my shit reflex.  This reflex kicks into high gear in Target and grocery stores specifically.  I don’t know why.

I refer to this phenomenon as S.S.S.:  Shopping Shit Syndrome.

Heidi:  I too suffer from S.S.S.  I don’t share Jane’s complete disdain for shopping, but while I relish the hunt for a bargain, I am dreading a potential S.S.S. attack during my upcoming Best Buy Black Friday shopping mission.

Can you imagine what those bathrooms are going to be like? All those people crammed into the stores just a day after stuffing their faces with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and pies galore? As they say, what goes in must come out and on Friday, all those colons will be readying for their once a year colossal craps. When their bowels decide, “it’s time!” guess where those people will be?

This is why I’m dreading my outing to Best Buy. Sure, we’ll get a good deal on a new laptop for Chris, but what if my own bowels decide, “it’s time!” just as everyone else’s colon is doing the same thing. Not only will I have to wait in line, but I’m sure I’ll have to wait in line for a destroyed bathroom stall. And God forbid if the stores don’t prepare with enough toilet paper for the inevitable onslaught, an unfortunate situation could turn into Hell on Earth with fights over toilet paper, not laughing Tickle Me Elmos.

Call us crazy but we don’t fear the crowds of the checkout lines, but the lines of the restrooms and what awaits us when we get there.

So, as Jane stays home on Black Friday and I brave the crowds to get one of those great deals, we hope you escape the Shopping Shit Syndrome that plagues us so regularly.

Do you suffer from Shopping Shit Syndrome? Tell us about it and feel free to join the conversation on Twitter: #shoppingshitsyndrome

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Also, in case you haven’t heard, we have a new humor ebook out, Flush This Book: True Tales of Bodily Malfunctions for only 99 cents that benefits the World Toilet Organization, a great nonprofit that strives to improve sanitation conditions around the globe. Check it out here

Buy the new ebook, Flush This Book, now!

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